5. Review of Chapters 1-3 of "Dilemma's of Desire"

Deborah L. Tolman’s 2002 book Dilemmas of Desire discusses issues surrounding teenage girls and sexuality from a sociological and first hand perspective. When discussing how she chose who to ask about their experiences, Tolman addressed the many confounds of using “girls whose sexuality results in visible problems: adolescent pregnancies and births, school dropout, the “cycle” of poverty” (pg 27). Her sample was chosen from 15 to 18 year olds who were randomly selected from different schools to represent a wide variety of the student bodies. It was not surprising that these girls worried about being labelled (ex. Slut/prude, pg 11), getting pregnant, contracting STIs and being raped or sexually assaulted. From her sample of 31 girls, one was raped, one experienced attempted raped, four were sexually abused as a child, two molested, two were hit by their boyfriends and one was hit by a friend. Although Tolman’s sample is not necessarily a representative sample the adolescent girl population, according to Self Defense for Life (2009), 1 to 1.5 million adolescent girls are raped in the US annually and only five percent of adolescent cases are reported. They also did a study of high school girls that asked why they gave in to sex at a boy’s request. Shockingly, the number one answer was because they did not want to hurt the boy’s feelings by saying “no” (http://www.womens-self-defense-instruction-online.com).

We teach girls and boys different things about sex and as we embrace masculinity and sexuality, we neglect informing girls about their sexuality masking their own desires. It is not surprising that when asked about their sexual experiences, young girls talk about relationships and not about sexual pleasure or desire (pg 25). Feminist theorist Adrienne Rich identified what she referred to as compulsory heterosexuality, a social construction that controls women through patriarchy. She described women’s sexual desire for men as “not a natural state but the result of specific involuntary socialization processes.” These processes inflict a number of rules on gender, and “proper” female sexuality which pressure women to comply with these social rules all the while dehumanizing and oppressing them. As a result, homosexuality, rape and sexual violence, sexual harassment and idealizations of heterosexual romance limits women to think of heterosexuality as an institution (pg 16-17). Tolman points to evidence of the heterosexual institution everywhere including movies, expectations, parents telling girls to be nice and boys not to cry and the list can go on and on.

Tolman’s interview with 17 year old Inez surfaces many feelings of girls who say sex “just happened.” When Inez described her first time who did not describe her desires or discuss her own excitement or pleasure but said her body just went limp. In another interview, Tolman asks a girl name Kim about her sexual experiences which evidently causes her some confusion that she links to “silence about girls’ desires and pleasure” (pg 75.). Kim, who masturbates, discussed her frustration with the stigma surrounding self pleasuring activities for girls and calls it unfulfilling and leaves her mentally unsettled. It is interesting how masturbating is almost an expected act by males but when a female does it it only draws confusion and shame – in Tolman’s sample only three girls admitted to masturbating (pg. 74). The standard that girls have to live up to in terms of their sexual desire is often hard to attain. As a result, Tolman questions how stories of girls who do not feel sexual desire allow us to understand female adolescent sexuality. She reiterated the fact that the girls who talked to her about their frustration and confusion surrounding their experiences did not feel it as “posing a dilemma: they lived it” and continue to live in silence (pg 78). 

4. Telling Someone They Sound Racist

Telling someone they sound racist is never an easy thing to accomplish. Jay Smooth (aka John Randolph) a video blogger who runs the site Ill Doctrine addressed this issue in his notable video blog “How to Tell People they Sound Racist” in 2008. The blog poses strategies for telling someone they sound racist and explaining the difference between the “what they did conversation” and the “what they are conversation.”

View the Video Blog here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0Ti-gkJiXc

I fully agree with Jay Smooth’s argument and strategy. There is a huge difference between being accused of saying something racist and saying someone IS a racist. It is more advantageous to stay away from the latter when addressing the issue so the conversation does not “derail.” Many people feel that being called a racist has become more taboo than actually being one. Therefore, by focusing on the comment instead of the individual this derailing can be avoided. But no matter how you word it, talking about racism is an extremely touchy subject. Although many people do not take the time to realize it, words are very powerful tools that can be used in both good and bad ways. By addressing the racist issue or comment it is difficult to state your argument in such a way that the person does not feel like they are being attacked – attacking would not get you anywhere.

Jay Smooth tells his audience a good way to deal with racism and racist remarks in a civil way but that is just the beginning. Racist individuals can appear nice with their speech but can be extremely racist in their thoughts. It is people’s beliefs that need to change, on a deeper level. Therefore, it is necessary, in my opinion, to correct and point out incidents of racism EVERY time they occur.

What I have used in addressing a racist comment is by asking “why do you think that” or “how do you know that.” It is interesting what people respond with. In my experience, many respond with “I don’t know” or “why does it matter” which makes me question whether they believe what they are saying or if they were raised thinking that way. The issue is whether the alleged racist cares whether or not you think what they did is in fact racist or not. Although the video is very informative, the tactics would not, in my opinion, get through to those individuals. In my own experience, people who make racist comments often have parents and grandparents who make racist comments as well. If this is the case then you may have difficulty changing someone’s opinion of different races in one conversation if they have heard so many racist comments and opinions from their own family members. Even specific phrases and words that people use can appear as racist even if the individual is not aware of their meaning. For example, the words “Jewed” or “Gypt” are very common and many people do not know the origin of the words and their implied meanings.

I am from a very small white dominant town with what seems like a church on every corner. We had one black family and one Chinese family and that is about it for diversity in the town. Although my immediate family and circle of friends was very open minded, I had relatives and lots of school mates who did not take kindly to black individuals. Before I moved to that town I lived in an even smaller town and my best friend was black (surprise! he was from the only black family in town). Even though I was aware of racism, I had not experienced it first hand until I saw how some of my “friends” (12 at the time) acted towards him when he came to visit me after I had moved.

Racism is an ongoing problem like homophobia which should not be taken lightly. Jay Smooth’s strategy is not a cure for all racism but is a good way of keeping it a bay on an individual level so the person can (if he/she is willing) rethink his/her opinions – there is nothing wrong with a step in the right direction right? Tell that to the companies who make these t-shirts, we need to take steps forward to stop racism instead of taking steps back.

3. Plenty of Syph

I was a bit shocked and confused when I came across the website plentyofsyph.com, a parody dating website. The website, which launched June 6^th of this year, is part of the Alberta government’s campaign to target the rising rates of syphilis in the province.

Upon researching into the website, I realized it is surrounded by a great deal of controversy with respect to its stigmatization of people with sexually transmitted infections (STI). Since the 1990s, the rates of syphilis in Alberta have been steadily increasing with more than 200 confirmed cases in 2008 alone (http://lookwhatsback.com/). I credit the campaign which has tapped into the interests of its target audience by using social media. The website’s satirical nature aims to inform people about prevention methods, symptoms and treatments while keeping a balance of humour and general information about the STI on the site. The advertisement for the website reads: “Welcome to PlentyofSyph.com. In moments, you’ll be connected to plenty of profiles, greetings and genital sores from hot local singles infected with syphilis.” As true dating websites do, PlentyofSyph features a “profiles” section as well as fake advertisements with “PerSYPHality” quizzes and informational videos claiming “try Syphilis free.” However, actual dating websites like PlentyofFish.com, the site that influenced the campaigns name, are worried that site goers will draw a connection between the two sites (http://www.notable.ca/yp-life/Alberta-Governments-Plenty-of-Syph/). Nevertheless, the Alberta government is claiming the campaign a success with the number of visits to STI clinics showing an increase of 17 percent in just six weeks. http://www.cbc.ca/news/yourcommunity/2011/08/do-unusual-ad-campaigns-succeed-in-educating-people-about-stds.html).

Although syphilis is an STI that is relatively easy to treat given adequate testing, treatment and education, Alberta remains at the forefront with the highest rate of syphilis among Canada’s provinces. Syphilis is caused by the bacterium Treponema pallidum and is often referred to as “the great imitator” because the signs and symptoms often mimic those of other diseases. Women aged 20 to 24 and men 35 to 39 are most at risk of contracting the STI. It is passed on through direct contact with a syphilis sore which are most commonly on the external genitals, vagina and anus or in the rectum but can be present on lips and in the mouth. Despite what many believe, it is transmitted during vaginal, anal AND oral sex (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2010).

Deborah L. Tolman’s 2002 book Dilemmas of Desire, like many others, addresses the issue of the prude/slut label that confronts young girls. She says “though the possibility of being thought a prude may be uncomfortable for some girls, the threat of being branded a slut still looms large for teenage girls and unmarried women” (pg 11-12). She continues to report that even women and girls who reject these labels are still subject to them by asking boys to use a condom, by using the pill or by carrying condoms themselves. However, people do not understand that anyone can get syphilis and if left untreated it can lead to long term health problems such as deafness, mental illness, blindness, heart disease and even death. It can also increase your risk of becoming infected with HIV and other STIs. It is up to you to get tested regularly for STIs to ensure the safety of yourself and others and an overall healthy sexual experience.

For more information on syphilis and other STIs visit: www.plentyofsyph.com or http://www.cdc.gov/std/syphilis/default.htm

2. Young Men Against Rape

Founded in 1997, Men Can Stop Rape (MCSR) is a nonprofit organization based out of Washington, DC. The organization has since become a local, national and international initiative. The organization claimed to have the most “comprehensive training available on engaging men in preventing men's violence against women” (http://www.mencanstoprape.org/). Their From Theory to Practice training programs have informed and helped engage thousands of men by giving them the means to help prevent gender-based violence through a number of outlets such as role-playing, group exercises and discussions of theory as well as multi-media presentations. The program is designed to help motivate men to take a more active role in “challenging the attitudes and behaviours that support rape and other forms of men’s violence against women” (http://www.mencanstoprape.org/).

Many men including members of government agencies, US armed forces, law enforcement agencies and universities students have participated in the program. MCSR have since developed high school and university-based Men of Strength (MOST) Clubs and have also launched a “My Strength of Not for Hurting” campaign to gain public awareness.

Amanda Goldrick’s 2002 book Men Who Believe in Feminism addressed some of the criticisms of the Men Can Stop Rape organization – most of them from other men. She said that the majority of criticisms fall into two opposite categories of men who either feel that profeminists are overreacting and guilting men out, or that profeminists are not doing enough. Although many men feel personally accused or even outraged by the pro-feminist men’s movement, they need to understand that we need to comprehend sexual violence as a societal problem and not on an individual level.

MCSR introduced a number of youth development programs to educated young men interested in learning how they can help prevent sexual and dating violence. The 30 minute film “Use Your Strength” (see film trailer below) introduces the program and allows you to sit in on the MOST Club meetings to learn about how young men feel about socially constructed views of masculinity and how they can play a role in creating a world free of violence against women. The program aims at teaching young men to be “strong without being violent” and can be ordered along with a key note speaker.

Trailer for “Use Your Strength”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r478wczldOI

Although MCSR is an excellent initiative, I feel that the training programs should become more accessible and cost friendly for those outside of the university and upper class population. I do not feel that $600 and the suggested three day time commitment is realistic for the everyday young male. With that being said, the informative videos and keynote speakers are great additives to the organization allowing their positive and preventative message to (hopefully) spread across the country and the globe.  

Furthermore, although some people still believe that rape and sexual violence is solely a women’s issue, it is organization like MCSR that work with rape crisis centres and youth to reinforce the notion that sexual violence is indeed a societal problem that needs to be challenged collectively.

Learn more about Men Can Stop Rape by visiting their website: http://www.mencanstoprape.org/

1. 10 year-old French Vogue

"Implied Nude" photo

Photos of 10 year old Thylane Loubry Blondeau in French Vogue have resurfaced the controversy and debate surrounding the sexualization of young girls. The photos show Blondeau in sexually suggestive poses on couches and various places wearing adult inspired clothing and make-up.

It can be argued that the photos market her beauty and that it was only a fashion shoot but fashion is a business that almost always uses sex to market itself. However, since the target audience can be considered adults, not children, it is questionable as to whether the shoot was appropriate for a 10 year old girl. There is no doubt there is sexualization of Blondeau in the shoot especially given the “implied nude” photo where her hair and necklace was intricately placed over her chest. Some critics have even called the shoot a market for pedophiles.

Personally, when I look back to my own town I see the young girls in early high school and even junior high and am shocked to see what they are wearing and doing. When I was in junior high I was wearing turtle necks and cords to school and now they are wearing short skirts and heels. It is amazing what just a few years can do and how the images these girls are privy to can change their perceptions of women and how they should act and dress. Shows like Gossip Girl, the OC and 90210 accentuate the sexualization put on young girls and how they are expected to dress and act with boys and other girls if they want to be “cool.” Young girls are very impressionable and these shows do not help in the matter.

The show Toddlers and Tiaras is a good example of how young girls can be molded to fit beauty ideals and expectations. The so called “glitz pageants” are what bother me the most. The young girls are walking with their chests pushed out, wearing bikinis, spray tans and fake teeth. First of all, who spray tans their child let alone everything else? I do not understand how the mothers of these young girls would let them (and be comfortable with them) looking far beyond their years – some of the young girls look at least in their early twenties during these pageants as Blondeau does in her shoot. It causes the girls to develop false perceptions of what it means to be a woman and femininity by sexualizing them at such a young age. The children are taught to blow kisses to the audience and judges, pose in suggestive ways and pucker their lips during their routines to win the pageant and be the “prettiest” girl there. I am very curious to see how these girls, Blondeau included, will grow up to be and feel about themselves.

            Child Glitz Pagaents: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCA-Z8oW-E0

Paisley - Age 3 wearing Pretty 

Woman-inspired prostitute outfit

Eden - Age 5

I guess for many the question remains, how young is too young for girls to start modeling in adult inspired clothing, shoes and make-up. I say it should not happen at all but is anyone really able to shield them from the media that bombards them at such a young age with skewed perceptions of what it means to be a woman – slim figure with long flowing locks and make-up? The answer is no and as long as the media continues to objectify woman, the “what is beautiful is good” stereotype will persist and continue to harm young girls.